I was adverse to the whole concept of updating this beast from my phone before, but seeing as how the processor on this thing actually rivals my laptop and it’s more portable, I’m kind of warming to the idea.
I find myself enjoying eggs and Cajun hashbrowns, a strawberry and cream cheese croissant, and coffee this morning on a sunny patio in Uptown. I was sitting by myself in a shady spot quite enjoying the Mozart pumping through the speakers and people watching until…they showed up.
If there is one thing that I believe contributes to children being assholes, I think it is stuffy, monied adults that spawn them and then instill selfish values. These two women, since sitting down, have managed to cause me a large amount of irritation just due to the inane conversation they are having. It’s literally a back and forth as they attempt to size up the life and standard of living of each other. The first thing that tipped me off that it was going on was how one was discussing her son’s neurological disorder when the other fired back about her own child’s food allergies. It’s kind of amazing to watch the conversation develop. Trendy diseases have become a sort of betting chip in the lives of suburban house moms. Based on how the conversation stands right now, I’d say the mom whose son has celiac disease and whose husband wore his golf outfit on the tennis courts at the country club is beating the mom whose son has asbergers and had to hire a new gardener.
Favorite quotes so far:
“Thank God for video games. Otherwise he’d always be in my hair.”
“Miguel was great. He always cleaned up after himself and was so polite. He was like a hard working, talented dog.”
“I hate to keep coming back to it, but even though he has asbergers, at least he doesn’t have to fear food.”
Now they’re discussing what AP classes they’re going to make their sons enroll in for the second semester of school this year and what colleges they’re pushing them to apply to.
Dear god.
Ladies, all parents everywhere: life is not a contest. Your children’s respective ailments are not bragging points, and honestly…stop breeding in general.
And if you must breed…either be good people or give your kids up for adoption to a parent who can raise a decent human being.
Your Kids are Assholes 